Friday, 13 December 2019

Defying reason

Emotionally, this past week has been one of the most challenging of my life. What I have felt has gone completely against what my logical and pragmatic mind knows and understands and accepts. 

It has given me cause for a lot of reflection to determine why my reaction and emotions have been so incredibly strong and the hurt that I've felt has been so deep. 

I am fortunate to have good support and both talking and listening to friends and their experiences and perspectives has helped me to find strength to face, respond less emotionally and to deal with challenges that still lie ahead. 

The funny thing about situations like this, where it makes no logical sense at all, is that months - or even weeks - down the line I will probably wonder what it was that has caused me to so completely crack when my pragmatic self was completely ok with things. 

That's the thing with emotional distresses - you feel what you feel because that's just what it is. It defies reason. 

While I could not have imagined the depth of hurt that I have felt, I have enough sanity to know that it will pass and that the little bombs along the way will have less of an effect on me in time. And also that this be behind us. 

I think, I write, I reason. I work through pros and cons, reasons, explanations, reality, and silver linings to dark clouds... 

Right now, I do not feel the strength to face some things that I know are coming without inexplicably bursting into tears but in another week I am quite certain that I will feel differently. Stronger.

No comments: