On Wednesday evening, just before dark, I had my first opportunity to do a 'Street Mediation'.
I was nearly home from a walk with my Rosy-dog, when I heard shouting and screaming behind me. Turning, I noticed a man and a woman walking fast towards me. They were crossing the road, the man following the woman - a short gap between them. It was the man who I had initially heard; screaming high-pitched at her in such a way that I could not make out a single word; and then her return, also unintelligible.
As they got closer, I noticed the woman looked in distress, tears running down her face. I stopped her to ask if she was OK and if I could help. She said she was not OK and that the guy had her bag and wouldn't return it. She was crying and could barely breathe.
I asked him to pass me the bag so that I could return it to her. He handed it over without hesitation. I gave it to her. She was still taking deep breaths.
Around this time he said that the woman was his wife. I told him that it didn't matter who she was; if she did not want him to follow her or to take her bag, then he should respect that.
I turned back to the woman, asking her where she was going.
"Home," she replied.
I asked whether it was the same place where he was heading. She said no.
As I turned back to him, the woman marched off, continuing home.
I suggested to him that on another day, when they were both in the emotional space to have a discussion, that they sit down to talk about whether their relationship is working.
He then reiterated that she was his wife.
I responded that it didn't matter what their connection, she did not want him around and that she had been in a state of distress, trying to get away from him.
He said he was trying to make sure she got home safe.
I asked him whether he could see the state of distress she was in, and I told him that she preferred to walk into the dark on her own to get home instead of having him with her; and that should tell him something. He appeared to think about this.
I suggested again that they both have a sit down on another day, perhaps with a trusted family member present.
He then almost flung up his arms saying, "You don't know anything".
I told him that I did.
"How?" he asked.
"Because I'm a mediator," I replied. "This is what I do."
He took a deep breath and almost seemed to relax.
He asked whether he was expected to just listen to her.
I said no, that they need to both speak and to both listen to each other. Just not today. She was in no position to have any conversation with him or anyone else so deep was her distress. I added that if she did not want to be with him, then he would need to respect that. They clearly have issues that they need to speak about... but on another day.
And that was that. An intervention that helped that situation right then, and that I hope will help him and her.
