50 Days of Running

I haven't looked at the numbers yet but overall I did pretty well this year.

I did lose the plot over MUT where I was running the Command Center. I missed three days (Fri, Sat and Sun). I ran the Monday and then the big rains started Tues, Wed and Thurs - I didn't run. So I have those six days to tag on. Plus, I recall there were two other days that I had a wobbly on... So I'll add those too.

As this is an annual game, I'm definitely OK with tagging on some extra days. I'm definitely past being inflexible around life getting in the way. 

There were a number of days where I wouldn't have gone out for a run were it not for this challenge. It is on those days that I'm thankful for this challenge that reminds me how easy getting out can be, even if it is only for 25mins, and how I always feel better and warmer afterwards. Plus exercising my dogs and spending times with them.

What has been good about this year's challenge is the evolution of my road loops with Cani and Rosy where I take one dog at a time for a 2 to 3km loop. I have a system now that really works. I get in mileage and the dogs get out for a run. 

I have stared 50 in the face. Boo!. 

I feel fit, strong, and fabulous. Cheers and hip hip hooray. 

50 and fabulous

Fifty and fabulous is my birthday theme in celebrating my 50th birthday today. Thank you friends for your kind messages and words as I jump into the fabulous-fifties decade.

Milestone birthdays are an opportunity for reflection on the preceding periods. Goodness have they been diverse. My 40s had no shortage of action, adventure, challenges and drama.

There has also been so much to be thankful for. 

My first dog, Rusty, who was much loved and is now much missed. My heart and arms remain full with Rosy and Cani in my life. 

I am fitter, stronger and faster than I was at 40, with thanks to having mountain trails on my doorstep to run, no shortage of other outdoor activities, and an awesome Crossfit George where I do strength exercises that I wouldn't do on my own.

In work, I've always embraced diversity, and so my journey continues with a new career to build in mediation. I have learned and grown so much in the last 10 months since I started on this path.

Friends enrich my life. Some old friends have been in my life for more than 45 years! Whether old friends from school, varsity, adventure racing, orienteering, running, JHB and Parys, or new friends made in George from GTR, Crossfit, parkrun, MUT or just from around the place, I value and appreciate you being in my life. 

My family is small and they're spread all over the world. Even so, family is such that distance and time mean nothing. The love and care is always there even if weeks or months pass between check-ins. 

My dad, who I rarely mention, is physically fit and is living in Mpumalanga. He is up and down (bipolar) but in regular contact. Even in the challenging periods, I never doubt his love for me or his unwavering support. 

That then brings me to my mom, who many of you know because she is so much a part of my life. Liz has been a constant in my life for 50 years. She raised me to be strong, independent, to think for myself, and to trust and follow my heart. And when I waver or am undecided, she always has my back no matter which direction I choose and an abundance of love. I got lucky to get Liz as my mom.

All too often I judge myself by what I have not accomplished, which really is the wrong way of looking at things. Looking back on 50 years, I have been fortunate to flourish and gain skills and knowledge from an abundance and variety of careers, activities, communities and experiences. These have made me who I am and have led me here, a present that has me happy and content.

Thank you, friends and family, for being in my life. 

As I mark off this milestone, I am optimistic and energised by what this next decade will bring.

Picture: based from a real photo, my friend Chatty (ChatGPT) created this picture including Cani and Rosy (Rosy wasn't in the original photo; I would never have been able to get both dogs to sit still like this in real life for a photo haha). Chatty used a magic brush to make me a bit more glow-y than in real life. Three cheers to glow and sparkle more in this next decade.

50 Days of Running

 It is that time of year - again!

Last year, for the first time in 15 years, I completely bombed out of my annual birthday challenge. I started off well for the first three days with the Western Cape Orienteering Champs, which was fabulous. On the last day, near the end of the course, I took a slide on a wet log in the forest, strained the inner-thigh muscles of my left leg and ended up quite sore for days plus with a twitchy muscle behind my knee playing up as a result of this. I've subsequently learned how to prevent and fix this, but a year ago I did not have a solution.

This was a horrible setback that knocked me more than I expected. I also wasn't really in a good space overall and did not have the mental capacity to try to pick-up the challenge again or even to modify and continue with it. I half planned to pick up the challenge later in the year... I just could not get myself together. I decided to just be kind to myself and let go. 

The months pass, the seasons change and life moves on. In what feels like no time at all, we are here again.

I'm in a far better place mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm running better, faster and stronger than I have for 10 years and I'm looking forward to the discipline of this annual pre-birthday game.

For this year, I'm sticking with 4km a day. I usually average more, but 4km is doable on those days that go crazy and where I would normally pass up getting out for getting something else done. 

This challenge is not about logging distance; the challenge is to show up every day to do something for myself.

Other activities like crossfit, yoga, mountain biking, dog walking and the like do not contribute to the 4km tally.

As you would have picked up from the title of this post, I will be turning 50 this year.

I know! I know! Where have the years gone!

For the first time, my challenge starts outside of May, in April. Another sign of the passing years as the start date has progressively moved earlier by one day since I started this 16 years ago.

Hip-hip hooray! Time to lace up my shoes for this 50-day adventure.

(About the above image: I asked my friend Chatty (ChatGPT) to create an image for me for '50 Days of Running' with Outeniqua Mountains terrain and birthday decorations like bunting flags and confetti for a festive vibe. I had not published this post and I did not ask Chatty to insert the text 'Cheers to 50 days of showing up for you'. Gotta love AI.)

Revenge anchors you in the past

 A lot of what I think about these days has to do with mediation, couples, families, hurt, hatred, resentment, anger and how hard it is to let go of wrongs of the past.

I’m watching ‘The Cleaner’ on Netflix (very good series). A comment from a character in the episode that I watched a few nights ago (S2E10) caught my attention. 

 “You are so stuck on revenge right now that you can’t see the big picture”. 

 This quote stood out for me because it is brutally honest. 

 revenge /rɪˈvɛn(d)ʒ/ Revenge is the act of inflicting harm, injury, or punishment in return for a perceived or actual wrong, injury, or insult. 

In divorce and post-divorce conflict, there is often so much hurt, humiliation, anger, rejection, loss of identity, and even fear about the future that exists. Revenge – through financial or emotional means – can feel like a way to restore balance or dignity, but it rarely delivers what it promises. 

 Underneath revenge there is often a need to be seen and validated. Unless this is addressed, conflict and ‘games’ will continue. 

The problem with acting in revenge is that it is a vicious circle that keeps you hooked into the conflict and focused on the past. Instead of closure, you stay stuck thinking about it and acting in vengeful ways. Also, holding onto revenge ties you to the very person that you want to be free of. Even an award of a million dollars would make no difference until the emotional account is settled. 

 In mediation this is a problem because no settlement offer will be sufficient because the goal is not resolution – it is emotional equilibrium. It is only when a person feels genuinely heard (even if nothing else changes), that a shift will take place and resolution will be possible, there is distance (time and space) from the original injury to soften its effect, and when the person regains a sense of control over their own life. 

 How does one let go of a desire for revenge or move on from this feeling and need? Well, it is not about forgiving the other party. Instead, it demands an honest look at what holding onto revenge costs. When you decide that it is costing you too much, that’s when change – and resolution – can happen. Costs can be mental, physical and emotional exhaustion, the development of a new relationship, a financial reality check, or simply a lack of time. 

As satisfying as 'getting even' may appear to be, how will this really change your life day-to-day, or how will your life in five years be significantly different to what it will be on your current path?

(In a divorce, there is due settlement. Revenge is over and above a fair separation of assets and maintenance awards.)

Only you can make yourself happy – whether through time, therapy, mediation, or life moving on.

 Discovering this sooner rather than later in a conflict situation will cause less collateral damage along the way and will give you what you most need – freedom.