Wednesday, 20 February 2013

How would you spend a fairy day

Violence against women is a hot topic. Well, it got really hot a few weeks ago and sizzling last week. Rapes, murder, brutal beatings... I cannot imagine what could spur any person to want to so terribly hurt and abuse another. Nevermind it being someone you don't know... but someone you do know. Someone who is your partner. Someone who shares your home and bed... There are things I may never understand (and I hope not to!).

Over the past few days I've been thinking about shouting and screaming and beating and shooting and murdering. You've got to really not like someone to shout and scream at them and then to beat them (and then to beat them to death).

And for what reason are you doing this? To make them do something that you want them to do? To be someone that you want them to be? This is never going to work. This person you're trying to mould/shape/change/discipline/control through violence is not ever going to be who/what you want them to be. Never ever.

I'm not a big one for proclamations of love. It's an untidy word. I may feel it but I'm reluctant to ever say it unless I'm talking about forests, mountains, running and my cat - easy to profess love to these. Oprah loves everyone. This and that person on telly will tell all and sundry that they love them. I have a family member who is very caring and expressive and she always tells me that she loves me; but she also loves this person and that person and the other person. Love is everywhere.

I'm into like. The word has always been treated as a lesser cousin of love. Considered to be insipid perhaps; having less depth and emotion than love? Facebook hasn't done much to help its reputation either... It's much like 'nice'. Yet I appreciate both words for their simplicity. You like, or you don't.

Regarding people, like means the following to me.

I will gladly spend time with people that I like. I enjoy their company and our conversations. I trust them. I never feel threatened when I'm with them. I like their personality and how just knowing them adds something to my life - friendship, company, shared interests... I miss those people that I like.

If a fairy came down and said, "You've got a day off -  no work, no emails, no organising", I would spend this day with a person or people that I like. [ok, so I'm a decidedly anti-social not-in-a-relationship homebody outside of social activities that I'd probably spend a fairy day on a run, digging in my veggie garden, working on a crochet project, reading, taking a nap with my cat and watching DVDs - and possibly visiting much-liked friends for tea too!]

This was actually a big decider for me with a past relationship. Given a fairy day my ex-partner would rather spend this time with his friends, not with me. Glowing neon sign. Totally.

Evidently one can love people they don't like. I'm not quite sure (but hey, I may be wrong) how someone in an abusive relationship can still like their partner (depends on what constitutes 'like' for them?) and the partner's behaviour. But they may still say love as in, "But I love him". One can never feel totally safe in an abusive relationship as the partner's company carries with it danger and threats. Every minute in their presence is opportunity for abuse. This is not something to be liked.

Would I want to spend my fairy day with someone who terrifies me? No way!

Like and love are most certainly related; you can like and love at the same time. It's where love (?) remains when like has walked out the door that I don't get. From both sides. Beating up someone really says to me that you really, really do not like something about them.

Like is as much a part of friendships and partnerships as romances. Outside of notes passed at school on Valentine's Day I think that "I like you" carries more weight than "I love you".

1 comment:

Lobby said...

Good one L, I like this post very much :)